im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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