Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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