Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
