at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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