no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
