Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
