we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
