drinking out of a sandbucket again
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
