and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
