This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize