Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize