listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize