Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
ttyl tear gas
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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