If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
