I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
