I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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