Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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