my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
