We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
