I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
