No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
