we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
