Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
