he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
