I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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