Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
