if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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