oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
