I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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