Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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