guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
