i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
