just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
