peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
