there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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