i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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