member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
