NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
