I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize