oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Shame - the story of my life.
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