We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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