Soap is not a condiment
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
