I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
