Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
