In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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