we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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