everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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