Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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