I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
