Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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