3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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