How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
