Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
