He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Liz is crying about burritos again.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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