I accidentally had phone sex last night
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
