So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
