i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
