I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
