i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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