why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize