forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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