Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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