So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
