Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
