im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
