If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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