I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
